I will recover, even without a baseline state to recover. Being born with neurological disability and experiencing early childhood trauma means there’s no ‘getting back to the old me’, I’ve had to become what I need and want to be.
The future didn’t become a thing I could process until I was twenty two. Since I was prepubescent my only perception of the future was that I would die any day. Tomorrow was always potentially the day my existence would end. Early on I knew if I survived to young adulthood I would be a homeless addict. I would devise other destructive predictions and these were my self fulfilling prophecies.
We are what we believe, we do what we think we will. I think I will make it. I have hope. When I imagine the future, I’m happy and I’m healing and I’m helping others heal. I will fight tooth and nail to pull myself through whatever trials and tribulations I need to overcome in order to become who I need to be.