More often than not we know the ‘right’ thing to do. The actions that align with our goals and values exist, this is the path that we glance away from instinctively because our insecurities and exhaustion tell us it’s too hard, too far, we can’t do it. I forget that making the right choice is an ongoing journey but there will be times of rest. I won’t be fighting the entire way through.
Our minds are constantly creating medicine, a medicine of the psyche, but we don’t want to taste. It won’t taste good, it’ll hurt before it helps, and we can’t do it. We tell ourselves all this but still, the option is there. We can continue to ignore the medicine or we can begin taking it.
Throughout my adolescence I rejected therapy by masking my problems and focused on being approved of, I didn’t want my therapist to think a certain way about me or force me to face certain things. Unfortunately this led to me not improving for many years and I was stagnant in my nonexistent recovery. I knew what I had to do but didn’t think I was strong enough to do it and didn’t trust the world around me to support being open and authentic. I’d been through ongoing traumas related to opening up, I felt it would always be the same.
Nothing will always be the same. The medicine will change, the ailment will change, the environment will change. Cycles of life seem doomed to repeat but the closer you look the more you’ll see that these cycles are ambivalent to ‘good’ and ‘bad’. They’re inevitable but they only are what we make of them, what we do with them.
Everything will be the same and everything will change. There are laws to nature that contradict and are impossible to truly understand but life still goes on.
We still need to take that first taste of our medicine. It’s worth it.