Alchemy of Self: Dissolution Part 1

Our emotions tie our consciousness to our unconscious, much like our dreams. These feelings can teach you about yourself or take you under their control. In esotericism water is symbolic of our emotions and dissolution is a process of dissolving a substance into a liquid. We take the ashes of our burnt away insecurities and lies, and let them be taken in by our emotions.

As sadness, anger, hope, love, and all other myriad experiences begin to emerge we must stay focused on moving forward. After the first process of Caput Corvi is embarked we need to trust in our ability to overcome this trying destruction of self as we can only go forward or back, but we can’t go back.

Instead, we learn to go with the flow of our emotions but not be swept away. Our emotions, like the solvent liquid, is a tool for our working. These feelings are valid and real but we can be aware of them without falling prey to the lies they might try to reanimate from the ashes. Let the emotions sweep them away, not you. You are the owner of the emotion. 

While it may seem as though dissolution begins as soon as calcination does, in fact those initial emotions are intrinsically attached to most of the inventory items we burn. You’ll notice when you’ve begun dissolution— it’s synonymous with undoing and death, it’ll seem like you’ve been unravelled, perhaps feel like you’ve died. These emotions will be different. They’ll be the rawest you’ve ever felt, but you must handle them like treasures. Treat them preciously and they won’t harm you, the pain will teach you how to heal yourself.

We practice not running from our emotions. Instead, we run to them. We scoop them up and investigate where they’ve come from. They’ll reveal the remains of our traumas still too tough to have been burnt by the initial calcination. As practical, chemical dissolution further purifies the ashes by allowing water to pry the constituents of the matter apart, our emotions act as cadaver sniffer dogs to lead us back deeper within where the corpses of our suffering remain. We feel dead because parts of us are dying. 

It’s our job to truly kill these toxic parts, put them to rest, and remove the remaining decay. We will prevail. 

Allow yourself to feel. Don’t distract yourself, journal these feelings so you can look back and explore critically. There is no shame here. No blame, no embarrassment, let your emotions out. Refuse any line of thought debating whether you should or shouldn’t feel this way, these are unproductive words. 

Laugh, cry, and stimulate these actions if you need to. Write how it feels to laugh. Write why you laugh. What makes you feel warm, or cold? Where do you feel your emotions? In your chest, stomachs, limbs, etc? Are your hands clenched? Is there a lump in your throat? The Feelings Wheel is an excellent tool for narrowing in on specific and accurately descriptive words to help with the semantics of identifying confusing emotions. 

You’ll begin to discover pathways to childhood or important events in your history, let yourself be led there though you are in command. There will be a self, a version of you, frozen in time. There could be just a couple or upwards of twenty or more, but each one has something to say to you. Don’t ignore these messages. 

You’ll find suffering, you’ll find aspirations, forgotten promises you made to yourself, and all these are important to be aware of. 

We are increasing our awareness and control over ourselves. We own our past, our present, and our future. 

In part two I’ll continue detailing exercises in emotional release and radical acceptance.

Previous: Calcination 2 | Next: Dissolution 2 | First: Alchemy

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