Disability and Time Perception: Hour Gone By

Beginning in many ways; curled in my lovers arms, painting freely, heightened anxiety, thinking of a horrific memory, somehow I slip from the time stream. An hour passes. To me I have been drug through days or maybe only caught a couple seconds, I’ve detached from the normal experience of time. How I relate my existence to its place in the flow of animation and decay relies on my psyche and it’s communication with my instinctive internal clock. Our bodies track time with accuracy our minds aren’t capable of. My disconnect from my physicality directly contributes to how I fall out of an hour.

Often in a positive experience, the cause is a novel experience of being connected to reality. Comforting touch when I’ve spent much of my life touch repulsed may absorb all my attention, leaving nothing to be aware of time. Similarly, artistic endeavours may enrapture my being and rebuke how an hour is supposed to feel. Hyperfocus is a common trait amongst those with time perception issues. When nothing you experience seems right, activities that satisfy your soul transcend the restrictions of sixty minutes. Measurements of that sort fall short in necessity.

Negative experiences conduct the same lapses but contrasts in a need to limit experience and perception. Instead of being fully absorbed, I reject what I’m feeling and dissociate from reality and it’s instruments. Panic attacks, flashbacks, depression, sensory overload, there are many reasons to leave time behind. At the baseline of my mood and disability I struggle with perception causing daily problems with basic functioning, episodic symptoms exponentiate dysfunction.

An hour passes, and I still rest with my temple against their heartbeat. I have lived a lifetime in that longest moment, in a second. A different hour, I’ve relived my life countlessly and been forced through glaring detail. Time experiences us as a piece of sand in a shaken hourglass, I sometimes cause cracks but I continue with the flow whether I will it or not. I can’t choose how I experience my journey. 

Daily tasks such as eating, communicating, hygiene, and maintaining my personal environment must be taken inventory of. I must stay present. My faith in the present moment will rely on myself and ability to withstand myself.

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