Rebellion and victory, questioning the purpose of my current moment. I’ve always rebelled against the concept of a quantifiable moment in time, now instead I defy myself— my perceptions of my capabilities. What time is capable of, what the worth of the present moment is, it’s worth it for me to look deeper than experiences or perceptions and into my cause and effect on the animated fluid motions of time. I struggle to perceive time accurately and have since my birth. This disconnect led to early defeat and rebellion from failure.
I’d often say time is continuous, as soon as the present moment is here it’s already gone. Just as mass can be measured down to infinity, to nothingness, to just trembling energy, time is elusive in its billionth trillionth of a second and beyond. I’m here now, though.
I do exist in the now, just as my bones keep my flesh contained and in motion, I can make use of a second. Rebellion proves useful in justifying my existence but victory comes from using that power to be willful about my presence. Let me create consequence and take control of time. I may not experience reality with consistency or normalcy but I can be consistent in my effort to be responsible for how and where I dedicate my energy.
Values drive me through stagnant depression and neurological disabilities, I know where my victories hide in my aspirations and beliefs.
Sustaining Practice 