Valuing comfort has been pivotal to learning to care for myself. I grew accustomed to pain and instability, not letting myself bother making strides to feel better. Not having trust in my environment or myself continued to bore a hole in my soul and I was willfully oblivious. Coming to terms with the things I could change, and the things I could trust, brought me to comfort.
Someone taking the time to try to understand me, taking my struggles and insecurities seriously, is something I’ll always be grateful for. They put effort into being conscious and knowledgeable of my pain, into persuading me at my lowest that I was a good person even in the face of my denial. They consistently treated me with care and patience. They accepted me as I was, was aware of who I’d been, saw who I could be. We fell in love.
Love doesn’t save or cure, learning does. Regressed, repressed, and isolated, I’d stopped learning. When I was suddenly treated with genuine compassion I started to form questions about what I wanted and was capable of.
I proposed to the love of my life earlier this year and I’m starting to be in the future I was suddenly allowed to think about back then. I’m building comfort for two now and I’ve never been more grateful.